In search of inner peace

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Man Dreamland
In search of inner peace
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In search of inner peace

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I am saying that from there on I have been in search of inner peace, which is after we had this trip to Italy, because when we came back to Australia things between me and Giovanna were not the same any more. And from that time onward Giovanna has never been happy to live here in Australia, because she started believing then that if she had gone back to Italy, it would have been better for her.
Since then, I have wished and thought that she would forget about Italy, and she would make an effort to live here in Australia in a peaceful environment; but it was not to be, because later on everything started to turn even worse. And to cut a long story short, since then my family unit has become like a two horse carriage, with one horse pulling all the weight and the other horse pulling nothing at all. Also in my case things went from bad to worse, because in my case not only I had to pull all the weight, but my partner the lazy horse would bite and kick me when I wanted to do something useful, I think she did that to make me change my mind, and decide to go back to Italy: but that could not be, because I believe that for me it would have been a real disaster if I went back. So, as life went on and time passed by things progressively became worse for us, and my wife became sick with arthritis and also with depression. We went to see many doctors, and they have done everything possible for her to get her better; but it has not helped much. Now the worst part here is that my wife blames me for everything that has happened to her, therefore she thinks that it is my entire fault. I now that it is her depression that makes her think and behave like that, and she can’t help herself about that belief, so I think that my in-laws have really done a lot of harm to me and to their daughter, but anyhow that is past now and there is no way one can change anything.
So, I am in search of my inner peace since then. Now about my sick wife, knowing that she is sick and depressed does not help me, because I believe that I deserve better than the way she is treating me; and about her depression she is depressed because she has never really cared about me. So I would say that: After all what I have done for my wife, she has never really loved me, because if she had loved me, she would have found the meaning of life itself, and she would have found the way of how to live a better life here with me. Therefore I believe, that because she thinks only about her own self, and then she cannot have the way of life that she would have liked to have she is depressed.
This story that I have written above is only a short story of my life, which shows that it leaves me in a family unit that is very sick, and I believe that perhaps it is going to break up soon. So I am emotionally very distressed and it makes my life miserable. All these distresses and emotions make me feel strange at times, so much so that I would like to leave my wife and find somebody else, since she doesn’t allow me to make love to her, because I don’t mean anything to her and she does not seem to have any sexual desires even with another man I guess. She is cold as cold as frost? So I feel that I am in a deserted land, especially when I think about love.
In my next post I will be talking about this deserted love land.
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Man Dreamland
In search of inner peace
IS GOING TO BE CONTINUED;
Next time with, deserted love land.
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The oasis of peace

WELCOME TO THE LAND OF DREAMS AND FANTASY! YOU ARE ALL WELCOME HERE MY FRIENDS TO DREAM ON AS LONG AS YOU LIKE. ENJOY YOUR STAY WITH US; GOOD LUCK AND SWEET DREAMS! AND IF YOU LIKE TELL US YOUR DREAMS YOU ARE WELCOME, WE WILL ALL BE LISTENING.
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Man Dreamland
The oasis of peace
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WELCOME!
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THE OASIS OF PEACE
This is an article that I wrote a long time ago and I called it: From the oasis of peace to the oasis of tranquillity.
I suppose every one of us has sometimes found a bit if peaceful living during our lives, one could call this the oasis of peace, just because we have found peace within ourselves. But this oasis of peace unfortunately does not last very long, therefore, soon or later we find that everything around us starts to give us trouble and this is when the oasis of peace ends, from there on we may try to find our peace again, but we may not succeed and we feel sorry for ourselves.
So, today I would like to talk about what is on my mind, because I have lost the oasis of peace within myself, it is all about the way that my emotional love life is taking me nowadays, so I wonder why I think always about these strange thoughts, and I feel as if I am in a deserted land, so now let me describe to you my state of mind if I can:
Now, let us just take one person for example, then one person should be one unit, and therefore one unit should be able to stand on its own; but it is not so. Because one person alone cannot live as a single unit for a very long time, since any person needs love and a family to live life properly. Therefore that single person soon will end up within a group as a unit of a family.
A complete family unit with all its members is a unit that can be independent from the outside world, provided that all the members of this family agree to be so. Therefore the best way to live one’s own life is within a family unit; but one has to admit that sometimes even the best of the family units may strike trouble. And this would be just like my own family unit at the present time.
Now because I am talking about myself, I would say that when I got married I built my own family unit. As it happened I built my family unit far away from my native land, and also away from any relatives or in-laws, just because I had moved away here in a far away land called Australia. There are a couple of reasons why I built my family unit here: One reason was because I was doing well here, since I had already established myself here in Australia, and if I went back to my native land of Italy, it would mean that I had to start from the beginning all over again; the second reason was that if I had gone back to my native land, I would have had problems with my in laws’ since they were not easy people to live with even at a distance. They would promise you every sort of help if you went there: only to find that they would do anything to make your life miserable, if you didn’t do anything their own way.
So I decided to stay put in Australia, and built my own family unit the way I wanted it to be, which to me it has been like an Oasis of Peace for a length time, partly because no one was telling us what to do, and also because to earn a living here in Australia was easier than in Italy.
So while I was living here in my Oasis of Peace, in the beginning I thought that I was doing very well indeed, although my wife had some different thoughts of her own. You see now, when I come to think about it, there were signs from the time when we arrived in Australia, that my wife didn’t like here very much; because I believe that she really loved the style of life that she used to have in Italy, when she was single and carefree, because then she had no much to do but to look after herself, and to dress herself up and go out to chat to her friends.
What my wife didn’t take into consideration the change of life that would follow, because when one gets married and moves to another country of course life would be different, perhaps life would be easier one way but harder another way, but anyhow we were living here and to a certain extend we were happy for a few years.
Then in the year 1980, we had a trip and went back to Italy to visit our relatives, and what happened there I could not believe myself. My parents in law and my brothers in law wanted Giovanna my wife to move back to Italy, but at the same time they didn’t want to help us at all financially, not only to move back to Italy: but they would not give my wife the share that by right she would have received if they had divided their property in equal share with her brothers. It was obvious from what they were doing, that my parents in law had received a fair bit of money, but they were giving all this money to their sons, which would be my brothers in law and nothing to Giovanna my wife. Therefore, they only wanted their daughter to be there with them, in the hope that she would be there to look after them when they would be old. You see they didn’t even consider how hard and foolish it would have been for me to move back to Italy under those conditions. So I decided that we had to come back to Australia, but from that time onward things started to grow slowly worse between me and my wife, because my wife really liked the idea of going to live back in Italy. In fact she liked to go back to Italy so much, that she was not even able to see that her own family didn’t care about her, as it was obvious that they cared only about themselves.
Since this happening with my in laws; I could not help to think about that: If my in laws had given their daughter what they were giving to her brothers at the time when this happened; or, if they had come clean and at least had said to her. Look my darling daughter, as you are not part of this family any more, we are not going to help you financially at all; and because you are married and have your own children you are not part of us. So go and live your own life! And live in peace with your husband, and may God bless you! Then it would have been great for me. But they didn’t do anything like that at all, and all they did was stirring up Giovanna (my wife) to move back to Italy. They were thinking only about themselves, and they did everything their own way, they didn’t understand or care how much hardship they were causing to their daughter, and at the same time they were treating me as a complete stranger, this is how the oasis of peace ended for me. But there is more to this and I will be telling you in next post.
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Man Dreamland
The oasis of peace
IS GOING TO BE CONTINUED;
Next time with, In search of peace.
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