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Friday, April 2, 2010

Prisoner of circumstance or destiny


Manfraco Mundane Dreamland
Prisoner of circumstance or destiny

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I believe that very few men have had such a sad marital experience, as I have had in the later part of my life. I know that it has not been like this bad all the time, because I can recall better times, that I would call just normal married life.
But now everything is so sad and painful, and there seems to be no way out for me, from the situation that I happen to be in. It is so bad that I believe nobody would put up with the sort of life that I am forced to live now; therefore, nowadays every day of my life, I can’t help to feel that I am the prisoner of my wife scared sick mind.
Being a prisoner without being in a real prison may sound ridiculous, but yet it is a real prison because one can not do what one wants to do or needs to do.
So, nowadays I am forced to live a very painful but honest life, and I don’t seem to have a chance to live it in any other way, because my wife is so sick and also so scared in her sick mind, and she believes that if I am not there with her something will happen to her. So in order to keep my family together I have to stay home and look after her all the time. And although I am the one that physically is able to go outside on my own and she is not, I am forced to stay home with her; therefore I have become a prisoner of my wife sick mind.
I know that it’s going to be hard for anyone to believe me and understand my position, because nobody seems to end up in an unreal and painful situation like mine. So I think that I must be one of the most unlucky people in the world.
In a normal relationship between husband and wife, the daily chores are usually shared equally between them, but the one that’s stronger and knows more may willingly do more than the other, and the weaker partner just follows the best way one can. In doing so they will benefit each other and they will be able to progress easily during their lives. But in my case nowadays things are very far from being normal.
To start with the first thing that comes to one’s mind in a husband and wife relationship is: What sort of relationship do they have? In my case there is no physical relationship whatsoever between us anymore, because my wife doesn’t want to have a sexual relationship at all, and therefore she has ceased to be my wife in the real sense of the word, this situation makes me very upset indeed: But I don’t know what else can I do to improve the situation.
My wife doesn’t seem to understand, that husband and wife must look after each other sexual needs, because it is the only real reason why they got married in the first place. Therefore, one should understand that marriage is the only way that one can legally fulfil one’s sexual needs. But because she has no more sexual desire herself, since she had this woman operation she does not care about me at all.
So, I am left to suffer the consequence that arise from stopping all sexual activity, which by right should be kept going in order to live a normal and healthy life.
A wife should understand that her man needs to have sex every so often according to his physical needs, otherwise he may run the risk of being very sick physically and also psychologically.
A man cannot ignore sex, because his body needs to eliminate his male hormone every so often when it becomes too high, and if he doesn’t, the male hormone would influence his behaviour and make him moody. Excessive male hormone may in extreme cases make a man very sick or even kill him, since it can change his physiological and psychological behaviour, and I definitely believe that a man can in fact even suffer a stroke from excessive hormone, therefore a man cannot ignore his sex life even if he wants to do so.
Therefore as I have said above and I continue to say it, this is the painful and even dangerous situation that I happen to be in nowadays:
I have a wife that in realty she is only my wife in name. And I can’t even mention any of my sexual needs to her, because she would become too upset about it, and therefore I have to put up with her no matter what, and this is the sort of life that I am forced to live nowadays.
But for me there is even more hard luck, because I have to look after her every day of my life because she is sick. What a boring life I am forced to live!
So, when I say that I am a prisoner of circumstance or destiny, you know what I mean.
I will try to explain what I mean: Some people may find enjoyment by getting drunk, or they may enjoy gambling and some other pastime, but you see: I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t gamble, and nowadays I can’t even go wandering about away from my house, I can’t even visit a relative or friend. Because this sick woman that’s suppose to be my wife, in her sick mind she wants to keep me beside her at home all the time, to listen to her mourning even if I die of boredom or something else. But perhaps I will really die one day slowly, not of boredom, but because I can’t exercise my heart and body enough, and my heart will stop beating when it becomes too weak for lack of exercise. So I would like very much to do some useful work, because by nature I am a doer and I hate being lazy. But I am not even allowed to do that!
There are times when I can’t help thinking that she is behaving like this just because she wants to punish me; she wants to punish me because I took her away from the easy lifestyle, which she used to live as a single girl before she got married to me.
She got married when she was 31 years old, and before that she never had a real job, because there was no work to do over there. So, for many years she used to stroll around town with her friends, and enjoying her life doing almost nothing, except chattering and enjoying herself with her friends. Therefore when she got married, the married life brought a big change to her lifestyle, and this change of lifestyle became even greater when we came to Australia, this is due to the way of life in Brisbane, because it is very different from that of a small town in Italy. So from the very start she never liked to live here, and she has always complained about being here, and she blames me for bringing her here even now.
But, because for me it was easier to get a job here, we had to stay put here.
Therefore now in order to revenge herself she makes my life miserable; and I have reasons to believe that probably that’s the reason, why nowadays I am not allowed any sort of enjoyment outside my own home. The only thing that I may be allowed to do sometime, that is if my wife gives me the chance and lets me go out, then and only then I can go to do some useful work at our rental properties.
Perhaps what I have just said sounds unreal and to harsh for you readers to believe it, but this is how my life is like nowadays. I know that she behaves like this; either because she wants to revenge herself, or because she is sick in her body and in her mind, and therefore she is really scared to stay home alone.
It is a great pity because here in Australia, one can enjoy life if one tries to enjoy it. Like when I was younger before I got married, at that time I used to go out once or twice a week, and most times I went to a public ballroom to dance at least once a week. Then going dancing was the fashion of the times, and I enjoyed it very much too. I used to dance a lot with all these beautiful girls, and try as I could to become friendly with them, but I had very little luck with these young girls, and I believe that in was because I didn’t speak English well enough, or was it because I was just plain unlucky with girls.
Since I could not befriend girls over here, and I was growing tired of being lonely, one day I felt that it was time for me to get married. So, I decided to go back to Italy my country of origin, to visit my family and at the same time try to find a wife over there if I could. And there I met my present wife and got married. I took her with me to Australia, but when she came here she didn’t like it much as I have said, but I hoped that if she lived here long enough, she would get to like it one day, but she never did.

Manfraco Mundane dreamland
Prisoner of circumstance or destiny
Next time with, Prisoner of circumstance or destiny 2

This is the land of dream and fantasy.

So, you can dream whatever dreams you like in dreamland: sweet dreams, love dreams, good dreams, strange dreams, wild dreams and even nightmares. And perhaps after dreaming your dreams, if you like to tell it, you can even tell us your dreams.
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